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Wednesday, June 24, 2009 -{'2:25 AM

today rain the whole day....
feel cold....
no feeling to post.....
how i wish someone understand my feeling...
how i wish i have a secret place to cry in darkness....

sorry shepherd and friends make u feel dispointed.....
sorry that i didn't go service for days and months...
nothing to say and no face to face ur,but a word sorry.....
i know , if i try ,i can go....
even i pray...i dun dare to ask.....
i scare of my mother...scare that she scold me ,slap my face and force me out of the house.....
everytime i go out ,i feel scare.....
everytime i cannot go , i feel bad...i scare i lost ur ......
i know asking mother for going out is a easy thing....
but for me , it is not easy....
i just dun know why i scare of my mother....
izzit i lie too much to my mother?
i dun wan to lie anymore......
in my life , i am a lier.....
i tell my myself if i lie to my friends meaning i lie to myself....
i afraid of everyone...ur scold me , i scold ur back...that just a mask on my face....
i act like ganster ,shout any bad words i learn , why,cus i dun wan to get bully again...i wan to protect myself...i prove that i am not a stupid girl nor just scare of anythings....
any sad things happen to me,i dun dare to say out...
i keep in my heart for years ....
ur wan me to do what things i always try my best to do.....
like my mother, my weakest subject,math.although i just pass,i feel so much happy...
i thought my mother will be happy encourage me ....
but no...she scold me...she said u also fail ur math not pass lah...i thought she will ssay something nice....she even wan to give me more stress....
she wan to help have a tution,but i dun wan....
i remmeber , last year,i have a tution teacher,he very firece...everytime i go there , i crying whole tution day.....
i wonders why my mother cannot be dote me more,encourage me more not scolding ....
i asking myself ,is there someone who really know my feelings?